The day was a major success!!!

Dotty reported bar takings of £1,400.00. Not bad considering it was £1.00 per pint! Those of you who didn't bother coming.....

1. Sad Bast&rds
2. You weren't missed

1. Seven men, good and true, fully naked on chairs. Dotty in the background uttering those immortal words "Come on, turn around. I can't see all of you"
2. The faces as people downed that beautiful cocktail I supplied. For the record it was a double Vodka, Archers and pasteurised milk (as many of you know I get heartburn - probably an ulcer, but don't tell my mum - the milk was to assist it)
3. Sir Les Brodie's exit from the bar. A round of applause....exit the queen of Sheeba
4. Terry arriving late, being handed the 5 pint Boot of Friendship, and me dropping a golf ball in it. His face was a picture!
5. Rob Perry tackling a girl that was twice his size. It's not the size of the man in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the man.
6. Kirsty's response to a now familiar Paul "Ollie" Alston quote of all women like slim, muscley guys "I don't" Cuddling Andy "F@ck me I need to lose some weight" Jones.
7. Scatty Atty , drunk as a Lord, volunteering to throw Mengler's wellies off the balcony. Response: "You'll be following them down" Nice to see the Red Mist isn't clearing!

1. Trevor Green did not shag the pig. She helped him as he threw up, then faced with either staying the night with her, or going home, he opted for the leisurely drive back to London. "A wise choice" said a sympathetic Birchy.
2. Scatty Atty, hard to believe as this is, did manage to upset people. Legend has it that while Le Bugs and Jonesy sat chomping on their curry, George left the comfort of his roadside gutter and promptly ran in, falling over a large group of diners. More fool them, they rebuked him. Muleta out, he spat the dummy.

1. The "early Barf" award never really materialised (although there is a strong call for Sir Les). People drank like Gods (a natural thing in Godford). However, as painful as this is, and not withstanding the email ping pong this will kick off, the first homeward bound was the Jesuit. He left at an impressive 7pm, after receiving a reputed 8 golfballs. This was legendary stuff. He has now qualified and may change his passport to Place of Birth... Godford.
2. Keith Janes, relying on fellow lightweight Rob "mince pie" Perry to do his drinking, skulked cleverly towards this award. The half man, half beagle did beat off numerous challengers to receive the "like flies around sh*t" award
3. Terry Hayward, not to be outdone, won the "oh look, there's a drunk in my local. He has a ten year chip on his shoulder, I'll take him to The Rowing club" award.
4. Unfortunately there is always only one winner (competition only coming from Gossip point 1 - not Trevor). The undisputed champion of the world - excluding the Mediterranean and Mexico - is LE BUGS. The hairiest arse in all of Christendom!
5. Dotty has made this her own, and again is awarded the "putting up with those obnoxious boys" award. Although, the Jury was out on this one for a while. A fabled bar leaner rushed towards me whilst I was replacing my clothes and said "Dotty has had a stroke" quick as a flash I rushed over to aid our ailing steward only to find her cursing. "Dotty" I said "are you feeling all right" To which she replied "It's not my sense of touch that's a problem, it's just that Trevor is too far away"

Rgds,

Shirl